"Am I keeping my faith by laziness?"
Although young, O'Connor knew the importance asking honest questions about herself. Was she overly concerned with minutiae and caught up in the details of life? Was she focused too much on herself in her religiosity to the exclusion of God? When it came to matters of the soul were her own thoughts and emotions the most treacherous and misleading of things? Had she simply come to faith through laziness rather than through a genuine search for God?
“If I knew all of myself dear God, if I could discover everything in me pedantic egocentric, in any way insincere, what would I be then? But what would I do about those feelings that are now fear, now joy, that lie too deep to be touched by my understanding. I am afraid of insidious hands O Lord which grope into the darkness of my soul. Please be my guard against them. Please be the Cover at the top of the passage. Am I keeping my faith by laziness, dear God? But that is an idea that would appeal to someone who could only think."
Excerpt From: Flannery O’Connor. “A Prayer Journal.”